It's Not A Threat, Nancy!

You might want to have an ice pick handy with which to use to stab out your ears when you listen to the clip below. What we have is the insufferable Nancy Grace, who still has a cable TV show for some reason. If you're unfamiliar with this woman, her show goes something like this: She doesn't listen to anything that anyone has to say. She will argue with her 'experts'. She has no intention of presenting both sides of any story. And she also seems very pleased with her own act. She seems to be a horrible woman, which is why I don't watch her show.

But I did run across the clip below where she is arguing with a one Bernie Rayno who is the senior meteorologist (take that for what it's worth) at something called Accuweather.com. (As I perused their FAQs, I learned that they have ads on their website to keep their content free. That's normal. I also learned that they feel that there is nothing wrong with 2 pop-up ads every five minutes. That's not so normal.) He is trying to assure Nancy Grace that there is no reason for people on the California coast to be panicking about any radiation from the damaged nuclear reactors in Japan making its way over here in harmful amounts. She does not want to be reassured. She wants to instill fear into the hearts and souls of those softheaded individuals who are actually watching her show and listening to what she says. The interaction between the two is below.

I do enjoy how the weather guy seems to know that she isn't going to want to hear anything that he has to say if it would involve calming the fears of people who are so out of touch with reality that they are actually afraid of something like this. And as for her declaring that the governor of California has declared a state of emergency, Mr. Meteorologist hit the nail on the head (though I wish he could have hit her on the head) when he exclaimed, "For radiation?!" And alas, his disbelief is warranted, as the state of emergency was issued because of excessive rainfall in some areas. I'm not quite sure what she gains from setting off a minor panic amongst the dullards of this world, but she seems to really enjoy herself.

Not Working Means You Don't Work

If you ask anyone other than Charlie Sheen, they will tell you that Charlie Sheen seems a little crazy these days. In fact, most folks will tell you that it sounds as if Charlie Sheen has gone completely off the rails. But they would only say that because he sounds exactly like that is what has happened. He sounds like a crazy man. And he keeps calling into various radio talk shows to try to profess that he's not a crazy man, but I really think that's doing him more harm than good at this point. Really, I think that what would help him the most is just to keep quiet for a little while and stop irritating people who pay his salary. The other thing that would help him to not look so crazy is for him to stop saying that he's going to show up for work on Monday when there is no work to show up for. Wait. What?

Correct. See, for some reason, the guys that are in charge of the gold mine that is the television show Two And A Half Men have decided to cancel the remainder of the production season. The show has already been on hiatus for a few weeks while Mr. Sheen is supposed to be trying to kick his unhealthy ways. Apparently, things like trashing hotel rooms because you think a $20,000 hooker stole your watch and going on weekend cocaine binges coupled with unlimited sex with various mattress actresses really gets the attention of your "superiors" and causes them to think that you might have "a problem". Go figure.

But the other thing that catches the attention of your "superiors" are saying things in interviews that aren't exactly complimentary to those who are in charge. Most people, in charge of anything or not, would not take kindly to being called, among other things, "...a stupid . . little man and a p***y punk." And "This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power . . . Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words." (By the way, in that first quote, the redacted part does not say 'puppy'. I thought I should throw that in there just in case you were confused as to why he would be calling someone a puppy. He wasn't. It was more of a feline insult, if you will.)

So after all of this attention getting and even after all of the times that Charlie Sheen has been saying that he doesn't have a problem with anything, the New York Post reports: "Claiming he is completely sober, actor Charlie Sheen said today he plans to show up for work despite CBS's decision yesterday to pull the plug on the top-rated comedy "Two and a Half Men" this season." OK, see, those are not the actions of a person who is completely sober. Or maybe they are, but the person is just sober AND crazy. You see, Charlie, there's no work to show up for! That's part of what they mean by they have cancelled the remainder of the season! There's no more work there. It's done. And your showing up is only going to serve to make you look crazier than you already do. Please don't show up for your non-existent job/work on Monday, Charlie. Please. I realize that the show's character was sort of written just for someone like you, but even the character wouldn't show up for work when there was no work there for him. He'd stay home. You should do the same. Stay home with one of your female porn enthusiasts and stop giving interviews that make you sound like your brain is riddled with a late stage syphillitic condition.

Leave Charlie Sheen Alone

There's an awful lot of scary stuff going on in the world right now and I need a break. Thank God for Charlie Sheen. (There's a sentence I never thought I'd type.)

As you may or may not be aware, Charlie Sheen is in rehab. And from what I can tell, he is none too happy about it. I base that solely on a text message that Charlie apparently sent to a one Dylan Howard, the senior editor at RadarOnline which read: "People don't seem to get it.... Guy can't have a great time and do his job also? Bunch of turds." Is it sad that it doesn't surprise me at all that Charlie Sheen has the number of the senior editor at RadarOnline? It's certainly not shocking, that's for sure.

Charlie Sheen is a party animal. He seems to like to work during the week and then turn his weekends into one long, drug fueled, stripper fest with a bunch of mattress actresses. But then on Monday or whenever it is that he is supposed to be back on the set of "Two and a Half Men", he's there! He puts in his time, he does his job and everything is fine. Yeah, not so fast.

"Two and a Half Men" is gold to CBS. That show nets them millions and millions. And they don't want anything to happen to their cash cow. Unfortunately, the cow likes to really party it up in the barn with all of his hooker heifers. This apparently has people worried for his "well-being". And really, in this situation, I don't know if they should get all up in arms about it.

See, some people can really party and still manage to live. Have you seen Keith Richards lately? He looks awful, but you can't tell me that thirty years ago, folks would have bet money that he'd be alive and kickin' it today. No way. But some folks are just like that. The human body is amazing. So many people think that the body is some precious little snowflake, but in reality, the human body kicks ass. It can take an awful lot of abuse. And Charlie Sheen seems pretty bent on seeing what his limits actually are.

On the one hand, I understand why people are concerned about Charlie Sheen. It would appear that he is on the path of self-destruction. On the other hand, as long as he can do his job and function, does it matter? I mean, no one wants to see anyone self destruct. I get that. But is he hurting anyone besides himself? Does he have children? Yes? OK, then. That's not good. If he was child free, I'd be free of criticism (other than the fact that someone with that much money should really find a better use for it other than hookers and blow). But he's not, so let's not overlook that.

Considering that the show is about a drunken womanizer (which is basically what Charlie Sheen is in real life), I don't know that CBS should really be messing with a good thing. After all, the show does seem funnier when you're aware of the back story that goes on in real life. Let him do what he does and leave him alone.

What Is Internet?

Technically, the Internet hasn't been around that long. Granted, I have a hard time remembering what I did in my spare time before the Internet. (I'd like to think that I was productive, but who knows?) Then again, I was an early adopter of the Internet. Are you kidding? Something that allowed me to do stuff without actually having to talk to other people? I'd been waiting for something like that my entire life!

And when I was first introduced to the concept of the Internet, while I didn't quite understand all of it or the immense capabilities, I was able to grasp the concept of the "@" symbol. It's pronounced 'at'. You know that. I know that. You know who didn't know that? Katie Couric. (Are you really that surprised? Of course you're not.)

I'm including a link to some video from 1994 that has surfaced. (I would have just embedded the video, but for some reason, YouTube wasn't giving it up.) It was when Katie Couric was on Today with the insufferable Bryant Gumbel. Not only did they have a discussion over what "@" stood for, they were both completely flummoxed by the entire concept of the Internet in general. That kind of explains why they were calling it "Internet". No the. Just Internet. As in, "Can you explain what Internet is?" Even after they get their explanation, they're still not completely sure what it means. Bryant Gumbel is completely perplexed by email addresses and has no earthly idea what they mean, let alone what they're supposed to do. Click here to be taken back to the glory days of 1994, when Internet was just beginning.

And while I find it amusing, I'm a little perplexed on why those folks don't do any research for their job. Seriously, if they knew that they were going to be talking about "Internet" that day at work, don't you think that they maybe should have brushed up on what the heck it was first? I mean, they're already completely morons. Do they really want to appear to be complete morons? Hmm. I guess if I look at how things turned out for them today, I guess it really doesn't matter. Nope. Doesn't matter if you're stupid, you can still get ahead in media. We're scroomed.

The Worst "Documentary" Ever

I'm reconsidering my affiliation with The Discovery Channel. And by "affiliation" I mean that I watch the channel and presume that the folks that run it know what they're doing and are truly interested in showing something that could qualify as a "discovery". But after I heard that they were going to "re-enact" Michael Jackson's autopsy, complete with sparkly glove, I started having second thoughts. Wait. What now?

Correct. The Discovery Channel, according to something called CBC News, was going to air a program that claimed "...to be a medical documentary re-enacting the autopsy performed on Michael Jackson." I don't even know what in the world that would consist of. But I DO know that the commercial that they aired for it showed a sparkly gloved hand poking out from under a white sheet. Behold!

Oh, that's real tasteful. Way to go Discovery Channel. What exactly was it that you were discovering during this episode? Was it to see how low you could really stoop? I believe we've discovered that it's quite a ways farther than anyone would have expected. Fortunately, they have "indefinitely postponed the broadcast" citing "...the start of hearings next week in the criminal case against Jackson's doctor and a request by the late superstar's estate as reasons for the postponement." Hmm.

I don't know if that's the real reason or if someone finally just came to their senses. I find it amazing that the whole thing made it from the idea stage all the way to the point where the thing was filmed and ready to go on the air! Think about it. How many different people would have had to have heard this bizarre idea and thought to themselves, "Yeah. This is a good idea. We should do this. We should do this fast before someone else gets the same idea and does it first." It would have had to have been several people thinking that this is a viable concept to air on The Discovery Channel. That's troubling in and of itself. I'd really like to talk to those folks who gave the go ahead on this. Just for a few minutes. I want to know what other sorts of things they think are good ideas. I'm sure it would be a very entertaining, albeit mind-boggling, conversation.

I'm sure that the next bad idea that they would come up with along this same ridiculous line of programming would be a re-enactment of the Elvis autopsy. Then a re-enactment of the Anna Nicole Smith autopsy. They'll have to implement Autopsy Wednesday. Each and every Wednesday, it's a different re-enactment of a celebrity autopsy. Don't miss the Gary Coleman autopsy! Tune in the week after that for the Buddy Holly autopsy! (In this silly scenario, I envision the morons at The Discovery Channel trying to reach out to all morons across the board who would even think of watching something like this.) And don't miss the season finale where they recreate the autopsy of the alien that crashed at Area 51!

Good Lord, Discovery Channel. I realize that you're not PBS or anything like that, but I truly expected more out of you. From now on, however, I will be expecting less. Not autopsy re-enactment less, but less.

Leave Ballroom Dancing Alone

It would seem that Portia de Rossi will not be doing Dancing With The Stars next season. At first, I was kind of disappointed, as I really like what she does with her life and how she handles herself and I thought that she'd be interesting to watch on the show. The fact that she is smoking hot doesn't hurt, either. Then I heard what the producers had in store for her if she were to join the show and I have to say that I'm really glad that she's not going along with their idiocy.

From the lovely Rob Shuter over at PopEater, what the producers had in mind for Portia was for her to dance with another girl. You know. Because she's gay and all. That is the most ridiculous thing I think I have heard in quite some time. Are they serious? Apparently they were. According to an "ABC insider" who corresponded in some fashion with Rob, "If Portia had agreed then this would have been a done deal...She was the only star that could have pulled this off without completely offending the program's conservative viewers." What about offending the rational thinking viewers?

Let me get this straight (no pun at all intended). If a woman is gay and wants to ballroom dance, she has to do it with another woman? Because....why? I can't think of a single reason why this would have to be. Ballroom dancing isn't about one's sexuality. It's about two people dancing. And the way that it works is that one of the people is a male and one of the people is a female. That's just how it is. You don't need to feel obligated to change it because one of the participants is gay.

Some Hollywood casting director told Rob that "With all the debate going on about Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the country, this would have been the perfect time to do this...Yet, the show has never been about pushing the envelope. It's a huge hit because it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable." So much to like and so much to dislike in that statement. First of all, there would never be a perfect time to do this because it shouldn't be done. And second of all, not only should a show not make people uncomfortable, it shouldn't make them watch something that is patently absurd.

And let me just make the statement right now and say that if you think that ever male dancer on that show is straight, well, you'd better think again. (For cryin' out loud, judge Bruno Tonioli is about as flaming of an individual as you can be.) You don't see them paired up with other men, do you? No, you don't. Why? Because it would be ridiculous, that is correct. Don't they realize that the dance partners are just that? Dance partners. There's nothing sexual going on between them. They're just doing their job. So why couldn't Portia be on the show and dance with a man? I just don't get it.

I don't know how else to make this point. I'm kind of surprised that I have to make it at all. I'm definitely annoyed I have to make it. Just because a man or a woman is gay, that doesn't mean that they have to ballroom dance with another person of the same gender. I'm so glad that Portia turned them down. It would have been an embarrassment if she had gone along with it. Maybe the season after this one, the producers will have come to their senses and have her on and dancing with a male partner like it should be. People are so damned worried about being politically correct that they forget to be worried about looking like a jackass.

"Let It Be" In Norwegian Is Still "Let It Be"

I never thought that I'd be writing about the promo video for a Norwegian TV show called 'Gylne Tider', which translates into 'Golden Times', but yet I am. How the Norwegians managed to put this together, I have no idea. I also have no idea what this promo video has to do with their show. Actually, I'm really confused about all of it. And it's not like I can't explain it. I just don't get it. But I really like it anyway.

Here's the scoop: Apparently, the Norwegians that make promo videos for upcoming television programs in Norway decided to have a bunch of random celebrities lip syncing to The Beatles "Let It Be". And when I say random, I mean freaking random. There are people who participate in this endeavor whose names you likely haven't heard for years. At the very least, you certainly haven't thought of most of these folks for years. And the ones that you have thought about? You're going to wonder what they're doing making a Norwegian video with some of these other folks. I know that I'm wondering that very thing still.

I've taken the time to compile a list of the folks who are in this thing. I'm not sure why I did it, but it does save you the trouble of watching the entire thing, as it does run just a few seconds over six minutes. The video is below the cast of characters, but if that doesn't work, try watching it over at Videogum. It's really worth a gander. It's so random that it's awesome.

Roger Moore (James Bond)

Huey Lewis (Sans The News)

Jason Alexander (The one from Seinfeld, not the one that was married to Britney Spears for an hour.)

Rikki Lake (From the show with the same name)

Josie Bissett (Hot, hot Jane on the Melrose Place that didn't suck)

Alberto Tomba (Olympic skier)

John Nettles (English guy, plays something called Bergerac)

Corbin Bernsen (Arnie from the late 1980s series LA Law)

George Wendt (Norm from Cheers has had plastic surgery)

Paul McKenna (A "top hypnotist", whatever that means)

Philip Michael Thomas (Tubbs from Miami Vice. Really?!)

Steve Guttenberg (Mahoney in the Police Academy movies)

Katarina Witt (German figure skater, which they call "OL mester i kunstlop". I like their way better.)

Tonya Harding (Really? They call her "kunstloper i trobbel" which translates to "figure skating in trouble.)

Glenn Close (Awesome US actress, dubbed "Farlig begjaer" (Fatal Attraction) by the Norwegians)

David Faustino (Bud Bundy from Married With Children)

Gorden Kaye (English actor guy)

Alfonso Ribeiero (Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)

Pamela Anderson (From Baywatch and from just being freaking hot)

Leslie Nielsen (So...does that make this his last work?)

Mickey Rourke (They list 9-1/2 weeks as his known achievement)

Sheryl Lee (Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks)

Jamie Walters (The afterthought character Ray from Beverly Hills 90210.)

Larry Drake (Who played the mildly retarded Benny on LA Law. How do you even find someone that obscure?)

Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV)

Malcolm Jamal Warner (Looking a lot like Bobby McFerrin, but Theo from The Cosby Show)

Judd Nelson (Now bearded and bespectacled, but still from The Breakfast Club)

Ana Alicia (Extremely attractive and apparently known for being Melissa on freaking Falcon Crest.)

Peter Falk (From Columbo...he's still alive?)

Kelly McGillis (Now gay, but not when she was in Top Gun sweating under Tom Cruise)

Sherilyn Fenn (a one Audrey on Twin Peaks.)

Rick Schroeder (Who I met at a wedding reception in July and who was the kid in Silver Spoons)

Bud Spencer (Dubbed a "Spaghetti-western filmer")

Robert Englund (Freddy Kruger from A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Roy Marsden (Who played someone called Inspector Adam Dalgliesh)

Boyzone (An Irish boy band)

Dan Jansen (Olympic skater)

Kathleen Turner (They have her listed as from War of the Roses, but to me, she'll always be Chandler's Dad on Friends)

Maggie Reilly (Everytime We Touch)

Harpo (Listed oddly as simply "Movie Star")

Maria McKee (Show Me Heaven)

Meja (Very attractive and from something called "All About The Money")

Fab Morvan (That's right. From Milli Vanilli. He's probably really good at this lip syncing stuff.)

Dee Snider (From Twisted Sister but, thankfully, not looking quite as scary.)

Dr ALBAN (Sing Hallelujah)

Right Said Fred (The "I'm Too Sexy" guys. And by the way, they're not.)

Daryl Hannah (Still looking like a hippie chick and still from Splash!)

Rednex (Cotton Eye Joe)

Michael Conner Humphreys (The guy who played Forrest Gump as a child with braces on his legs, but who now sports a nose ring.)

Michael Learns To Rock (The Actor)

Ten Sharp (You)

Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk)

Berlin (The "Take My Breath Away" chick)

Style (Vill Ha Dej)

I told you they were random. All in all there are fifty four people that, for the most part, we weren't sure were still kickin' around. My only question is how can you go from Tonya Harding, a certifiable, trailer trash, whackjob to Glenn Close, a class act, Emmy award winning actress?! I have many other questions as well. How did they find all of these people? What is the significance? Are all Norwegian TV show promotions six minutes long? I need to know!

End Of Credits Amusement

Two And A Half Men is the highest rated show on TV. The star of the show, a one unpredictable and often knife wielding Charlie Sheen, is the highest paid actor on TV, raking in somewhere around $1.8 million PER EPISODE. And it's sort of morphed to the point where it isn't really a sitcom anymore. It's more reality show, as it is really mirroring Charlie Sheen's crazy-ass life these days. You'd expect it to maybe be on the Biography Channel or something. Or that maybe it's one of those E! True Hollywood Story shows. Either way, it seems to mirror his violent and out of control life rather closely and no one seems to care. It's starting to get a little odd is what it is.

At the end of this past Monday's episode, after the credits rolled, something flashed on the screen that looked like a letter or a list. It was quick. You wouldn't have been able to read it without pausing the screen. Yes, this is what I have chosen to do with the advent of technology like the DVR. I've chosen to wait until the end of a show's credits are done rolling and then see if anything interesting pops up. OK, that's a little bit more about how I've chosen to spend my time as opposed to how I use technology, but it sounds a little more pathetic when I talk about it in terms of myself. Just go with it, will you? Thanks.

So, I rewind and I pause the screen. To my amusement, it was, in fact, a list. And just like the show, it was an imitation of life itself. Let's take a gander at it.

To Do List:

Recalibrate the line behind fiction and reality.

Meditate using new mantra: High ratings do not equate to high self-esteem. High ratings do not equate to high self-esteem.

Go to Al-Anon meeting.

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying, "No comment."

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying, "As far as I know, everything's terrific."

Write a country song entitled "Hooker in the Closet". Chorus: There's a hooker in the closet, 'neath the monogrammed robes. Don't know how she got there, and I can't find my clothes. Officer Krooky, how are you tonight? I've misplaced my watch but I'm feelin' all right." Donate royalties to women's shelter.

Quit the business and teach creative writing at Cal State Bakersfield. Fresno?

Bite the hand that feeds you because you've had more than enough to eat.

Hire a publicist to put a positive spin on this vanity card.

Wow. Just wow. Art imitating life, indeed. I really wish that there was some music to set to the lyrics of Hooker in the Closet. It sounds like a winner. Maybe not an Emmy award winning winner or anything like that, but more like a played-all-over-the-Internet-sort-of-winner. It worked for Antoine Dodson. There's nothing wrong with it. Don't judge. The point here is that it's both hilarious and rather odd all at the same time. I guess the lesson to be learned here is that if you just embrace who you are, whether it be an upstanding member of society or a naked, drunk, crazed actor with his face covered in cocaine, scaring the bejeezus out of a $12,000 a night hooker, you'll do just fine. People will be more accepting of who you are, what you do, who you do it with and how you do it if you just don't shy from who you are and embrace yourself. And believe me, embracing yourself will get you a lot farther than holding a knife to your wife's throat on Christmas Day. Allegedly.

She's Not Me

Who is managing wacky Christine O'Donnell's campaign for Senate over there in Delaware? (I think that she's representing the MILF party.) I'd really like to hear their reasoning for her latest TV ad, as I'm not so sure that you need to automatically assume that everyone who watches TV is going to be aware of the fact that she claims to have dabbled in witchcraft (whatever the hell that means) when she was younger and therefore, that justifies having that disclaimer right off the bat. Wait. What?

Correct. See, back in October of 1999 when Bill Maher had her on his show, Politically Incorrect, she claimed "I dabbled into witchcraft. I never joined a coven. But I did, I did. … I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do....One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar, and I didn’t know it. I mean, there’s little blood there and stuff like that...We went to a movie and then had a midnight picnic on a satanic altar." Uh-huh. OK, then. Since I've already been over this, I'll direct you over to the folks at Think Progress for the video of that whole debacle.

Now, maybe you hear that clip and think that she's a nutjob. Maybe you hear that clip and you think that you're not going to vote for anyone that whack-a-do. You know what I'm guessing that you're not thinking? I'm guessing that you're not thinking that she's really a witch. You know. Because of the whole witches not being real sort of thing. Yeah, that. But she apparently seems to think differently. She seems to think that it is really important to point out that she is not a witch. Oh, for cryin' out loud.

So, here's her first ad. First thing she says is, "I'm not a witch." Uh, yeah. We know. No one is. But seriously, if you hadn't heard the whole deal about her and her witchy-poo dabblings and then that commercial came on, wouldn't your head spin around just a little bit as you exclaimed, "What the hell is she talking about?!" I'm pretty sure that's what's going to happen with several people over there. Does the ad get better after that? Not really. Next thing she says is, "I'm nothing you've heard." See, I don't know about that one. I've heard she's a little cuckoo and I'm inclined to agree a little bit with that assessment. But what I won't agree with is what she says next. She states, "I'm you."

Yeah. See, you're really not. You're really not me. I'm not the one who stated that I believed that folks shouldn't masturbate. I'm not the one who said she wanted to stop the country from having sex. I'm not the one who said that masturbation was the equivalent of committing adultery. I'm not certainly not the one who said, "We took the Bible and prayer out of public schools. Now we're having weekly shootings. We had the 60s sexual revolution, and now people are dying of AIDS." (I don't even know what that means.) And I don't buy into the theory that "American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains." (Again, I don't even know what that means.)

All of that? That's not me. That's her. And it scares the hell out of me to think that she could be sitting in the Senate helping to decide what is best for the country.

Punk'd - Iraqi Style

American reality shows are brainless, but at least they're somewhat amusing. There's a small slice of entertainment that can come from them. Come on, American Idol? Dancing With The Washed Up Stars? America Has Weird Talent? So You Think You Can Dance, But You Really Can't? They take our mind off of our problems or our daily lives. They remind us how lucky we are that we're not on some dumbass show like that. Most importantly, they remind us how lucky we are that we're not a celebrity in Iraq experiencing the equivalent of Punk'd, only instead of a wacky incident taking place, they plant fake bombs in celebrities’ cars, have an Iraqi army checkpoint find them and terrify the celebrities into thinking that they are headed for maximum security prison or execution. Wait. That's a TV show?

Correct. That is a TV show. In Iraq. For the purpose of entertainment. I'm not sure who thought this was a good idea, but someone did. According to the NY Times, the show is called "Put Him in [Camp] Bucca”. And in case you were wondering, Camp Bucca is "...the large American-built high-security prison ...that held thousands of Iraqi detainees and was closed in September 2009." Sounds charming. And of course, hilarious. Uh, or not.

And really, if it's laughs that you're looking for, that's all you need to justify something as horrible as this. According to the producers of this insanity, "...the show was entertainment, that it made people laugh and that no one had gotten hurt." Right. No problem. Because what's really funny is that these poor people really thought that they had a serious chance of going to prison for the rest of their lives and/or possibly being executed. Hysterical.

The set-up goes something like this: A celebrity is "...invited to the headquarters of the private television station Al Baghdadia to be interviewed, but en route to the station a fake bomb would be planted in their car while they were being searched by Iraqi soldiers". But the fun is only just beginning! As the clandestine filming continues (a la Candid Camera or anything else with a hidden camera), the viewer gets to enjoy the reaction of the celebrities as the bogus guards at the checkpoint shout such hilarities at them such as as: “Why do you want to blow us up?” “You are a terrorist.” “How much did they pay you to do it? You will be executed.” Does it get any better than that? I can't imagine.

Look, I know that things are tough in Iraq, but this doesn't exactly seem like the best place to go to for a little humor. It would be one thing if the show was depicting a scenario that was completely unrealistic or unbelievable or something like that. But, sadly, it depicts a scenario that could actually occur. You could actually be thrown in jail for the rest of your life or executed for appearing like you're trying to blow something up (ie, having a bomb in tow) in Iraq. At the very least, can you imagine the fear that would go through someone who knew that there was something seriously wrong, yet still knew that even a misunderstanding could get them imprisoned for Allah only knows how long before things get all straightened out?! IF they ever did get straightened out!

This program is supposed to air during Ramadan, which happens to go on for like a month. The ironic part is that, according to the maybe right, maybe not-so-right, Wikipedia, during Ramadan, one is supposed to "...pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds." That show doesn't sound like it does that quite so much. It kind of sounds like it does absolutely the opposite of that. Then again, during Ramadan, they're also supposed to "refrain from eating, drinking and sexual relations from dawn until sunset". Sounds like a heck of a holiday. Maybe "Put Him In [Camp] Bucca" is supposed to help relieve some of the frustrations that must arise during that time, regardless of the irony. Hey! If it takes watching a man fear that he will be executed for something that he did not do in order to cheer those folks up, so be it!

$#!' The PTC Says

There's a new TV series starring William Shatner and people are protesting. I would have thought that they were protesting William Shatner, but it turns out that was the least of their concerns. (Go figure.) No, they're protesting the name of the series. Because it's called "$#!' My Dad Says". They object to the $#!'. Really?

Before I get into what is being objected to by who and why, I'd like to say that using the apostrophe as the last symbol in that title looks ridiculous. I think that the percentage sign would have been better. Then it would have been $#!%. That looks more like a curse word than $#!'. Actually, almost any symbol of substance would have been better than the apostrophe. It could have been $#!* or $#!? or even $#!~, though I'm not thrilled with the last one. But I digress.

Here's the scoop: Something called the Parents Television Council has sent letters to 340 companies that that purchase a lot of TV ad time. In the letters, the PTC was asking those companies to not buy ad time on that show unless the name was changed. That's going to be a little hard to do at this point, especially considering that the whole show is based around the Twitter feed of a 27-year old guy who lives with his dad. Justin Halpern opened the Twitter account, shitmydadsays, and tweets about just that. S**t his dad says. And it's hilarious.

My favorite tweet that Justin has posted is this: "A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed." Not only are those words of wisdom, but they couldn't be more true.

But back to the protest. According to a one Tim Winter, who is the President of PTC, "Parents really do care about profanity when their kids are watching TV...All parents? No, but something like 80 or 90 percent of parents. Putting an expletive in the title of a show is crossing new territory, and we can't allow that to happen on our watch." Um, what?

First of all, there isn't an expletive in the title of the show. It's symbols. Granted, they symbolize something (it's right there in their name: symbols), but what else are they supposed to do? Call it "Stuff My Dad Says"? That just seems wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but definitely not right.

Mr. Winter said in his letter to those companies,"When you advertise on television, do you want your customers to associate your product with (bleep)?" Clearly, Mr. Winter hasn't watched a lot of TV lately. If he had, he would know that 90% of what is on TV already is s**t and advertisers have no problem at all with their product being associated with it. None.

You know, you can SAY s**t on TV now. I'm not saying that I'm OK with it, but it kind of seems like the PTC is overlooking things that are a little more blatant than a bunch of symbols that stand in place of the word s**t. But here's an idea: What say that instead of policing everything to the point of censorship, what say that you let folks monitor what they and (more importantly) their children watch on TV, OK? I'm not saying that's going to go over very well, judging from all of the crap that's already on TV that people love to watch. Have you ever seen Family Guy? South Park? Two and a Half Men? All are certifiably filthy. All are also certifiably hilarious. And all have certifiably large audiences. But if you don't like it, don't watch it. And don't let your kids watch it. For God's sake, don't let your kids watch it. But first, you'd be best served to just get over yourself, Mr. Winter. After that, maybe we'll talk. Now if you'll excuse me, Jersey Shore is on.