Worst Idea Ever

I'm pretty sure that I have just run across the stupidest idea I have ever heard. Pretty sure. There are a lot of morons out there who think that they have great ideas and all, but I think that this one might be a winner. I don't know. You tell me. What do you think about the idea of drilling some holes in the floor of your house so that you can stick your legs through them and sit on the floor as you pretend that it's a freaking chair? Wait. What now?

Correct. From something called the Mother Nature Network, we learn that a one completely clueless Martina Decker and one equally clueless Peter Yeadon (of something called Decker Yeadon), who seem really concerned with the idea that there is a lot of energy and waste that comes along with the home furnishing business. Granted, there is a lot of energy and waste that comes along with probably just about every business, but they're not discussing that. No, if they did that, it would make their highlighting of those issues seem silly. Well, sillier.

They're presenting this idea as a "zero-material seating alternative." Now, I would have thought that just sitting on the freaking floor would have been a "zero-material seating alternative", but how much press would that have gotten? None, that is correct. Here's how this works: The concept is called an OOoo Chair. What it requires is that the “owner” "...drill two circular, leg-sized holes in a floor and then line ‘em with recyclable plastic disks. Ready to sit? Remove the disks and stick your legs in the holes." Oh, for cryin' out loud. WHAT?!

Seriously, how can one justify such a completely ridiculous concept? Drilling holes in the floor to put your legs in?! What's the point of this again? If you're asking the 'designers', they'll explain that "OOoo Chair is an innovate design solution that attempts to address the energy and waste problems that are propelled by furniture production and disposal. The project intends to provoke a change in our behavior, and in our way of thinking about our furniture. The chair concept is almost as simple as sitting on the floor." Um, it IS sitting on the floor, you imbeciles!

Do they not think that drilling the holes will take energy? Do they not think that the production of the disks is going to take energy? Do they not think that not everyone wants to have two holes in their floor? And what is it that they want? To provoke a change in our behavior? It's provoked a change in MY behavior. I now want to punch 'designers'. I also want to build the wall around my walled off compound about three feet higher to keep me away from morons like these folks. Sit in a freaking chair! It's not going to kill anyone!

Say "Happy Birthday" With Flavor!

In what might be one of the most ridiculous product roll outs since Smell-O-Vision, the folks over there at American Greetings (you know, the card company that is not Hallmark) have announced via PR News Wire, their new line of cards called Tasties. That's right. It's a greeting card that you can taste. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to a one Mary McClain, who is the creative director of new product concepts over there at American Greetings, "Just think, haven't you ever secretly wished you could actually taste that delicious looking piece of cake on the front of your birthday card? Well, now you can literally have your cake and eat it, too." Um, well...wait. How many birthday cards have pictures of cake on the front of them? I know that there are probably SOME, but certainly not all of them. And the ones that do, I'm not recalling them looking all that scrumptious. Cartoonish, if anything, would be how I'd describe them. But really, I'm not ever thinking that I wished I could taste the cake on my card because, if I'm receiving the card for my birthday, I know that there actually is a real cake right around the corner! That's what you do on birthdays! You eat cake!

The press release goes on to read that "Each card in the new line features a deliciously dissolvable flavor-strip, safely sealed inside, which recipients can enjoy along with the warm wishes of friends and family." Clearly, the folks over at American Greetings have never met my friends and family. We're not exactly the "warm wishes" type of folks. Good Lord, especially not my friends. We're more of a "Happy birthday, bee-yotch!" sort of crowd.

And I don't know that I'm finding a lot of appeal in the though of a "deliciously dissolvable flavor-strip" that I'm supposed to eat. And of course, with all of those damn well-wishers sitting around you, you wouldn't have any choice but to eat the thing! And probably to chants of "Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat!" Good Lord, it sounds like a bad idea all the way around.

Here's an example of what you can expect: " One birthday card in the new line features a mouth-watering image of a cupcake and reads, "If nothing else, birthdays are a great excuse to eat cake." The inside reads, "…lots and lots of cake." The dissolvable strip included encourages recipients to "take a bite," and enjoy the taste of vanilla cupcake, expanding on the fun and sweetness of the greeting. Other flavors to help consumers celebrate include everything from donut to margarita." Eww. Eating a dissolving strip is not like eating "lots and lots of cake". I don't care how good the strip tastes, it's still not cake. It just doesn't sound like all that great of an idea to me. Yeah, so, eww.

What, exactly, does "everything from donut to margarita" include? Because if we're going alphabetically, that doesn't include cake! It also wouldn't include alcohol or tequila. There'd be no pie. No chocolate. No sprinkles. Oh, frosting! There'd be frosting! Again, I'm back to eww. And really, I've never tried to connect the dots from a donut to a margarita. Is it like a 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon sort of thing? Like 6 Degrees of Really Dumb Ideas?

This won't last long at all. The card companies aren't willing to admit it, but we're not all that fond of those musical cards that they insist on shoving upon us either. Those should have gone wayside a long time ago. But I think that it will be pretty evident rather quickly that this was a silly idea (and I use the term "silly" quite loosely, as this is completely idiotic).

Worst Bridal Idea Ever

There are plenty of moronic ideas out there that I have never understood and likely never will. The pet rock. Head-On. (Come on, isn't that just Chap-Stick?) Spray-on hair. Geometry. But there are some things out there that are so absolutely, completely inexplicable (totally without splick) that it makes me wonder about mankind and how much longer it can sustain itself. If this product is any indication, I'm guessing about another 24 hours. Tops.

According to something called Marie Claire, there is a rather disturbing accessory that a bride can opt for on her wedding day. I say "rather disturbing" in the most offensive way that I can without flipping out over this. Don't get me wrong; it's not like I'm suddenly going to become objective or anything. But I do realize that sometimes it's hard for people to look past "Holy crap, can you believe this s---?!" So I went with "rather disturbing". You tell me what adjectives you would have used if someone suggested to you that a bride, in order to avoid having to spend a ton of time taking off her wedding apparel in the event of having to use the restroom, should wear a diaper? Wait. Wuck?

Correct. According to the Marie Claire article, there is actually a bridal diaper product. The purpose of said bridal diaper is what I alluded to above. In order to not have to completely disrobe should nature call on your wedding day, someone thinks that the reasonable solution is to wear a diaper and just piss yourself on your wedding day instead. Sure. That makes perfect sense. I can see why this is a thing.

The article states "After a quick Google search I found out that it’s not a joke. Some bridal shops do in fact sell bridal diapers." Holy canoli, are you dry shaving me? Apparently, they are not. (But even if they were, I'd imagine that it would be more pleasant than wearing a diaper underneath a wedding gown on one's wedding day.)

Now, that article found its way over to the folks at The Frisky and they, too, did some research. It doesn't make this story any less icky, though. They found out that "...in general, most brides who do this use regular ol’ adult diapers, but then put, like, frilly or satin diaper covers over them, like panties." Yeah, OK. Um, still wrong! Covered in frills or satin, it's still wrong.

The Frisky folks found that "A Google image search revealed a photo of this bride’s bottom, which sure looks like it has some excess cotton padding going on." Behold!

Yeah, OK. Um, that's just weird. I'm also going to agree with the Frisky folks when they say that they wouldn't exactly call this a trend. I wouldn't either. It's definitely not a trend. And I'm also going to agree with their saying that if even ONE person is doing this, that is disturbing. What better way to spend your wedding day! Standing around in your own filth! Sounds lovely! And romantic, too!

Don't do this. Don't ever do this. Don't even think of doing this. Buy some Head-On (which I think that we all can tell is a complete rip-off!) before you consider wearing an adult diaper underneath your wedding dress! Do anything before you consider wearing an adult diaper underneath your wedding dress! And by "anything", I mean get yourself some therapy is this was on your list of considerations. The saying doesn't go "Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. And some poo." That's not how it goes at all.