There are plenty of slow news days in the US, especially during the summer. That's when we tend to hear more about things like Lindsay Lohan's nether regions than we do during other times of the year, simply because there isn't a lot going on. (Fortunately, we're spared from that this time around, as Lindsay is still holed up in the Lynwood pokey and should be for a few more days now.) But it must be a really slow news day in Iran. How else would you explain their wacky leader, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced "I'm a dinner jacket") speaking out about Paul the Octopus. Wait. The what now?Paul. The Octopus. That is correct. If you're unfamiliar with Paul, allow me to familiarize you. Paul is
an octopus. It's right there in his name. According to the folks across the pond at The Telegraph Paul "...became an international star after predicting the outcome of all seven German World Cup matches accurately." The way I understand how that worked was someone would put a little octopus treat into two different containers, each one labeled with the flag of the country that was playing in the match. Whichever treat Paul selected was assumed to be his pick for the winner of the match. Paul not only selected the winner once, he selected the winner seven times. (Granted, I don't think that Paul knew what in the world he was doing other than getting himself a little snack, but that's what happened.) I'm a Dinner Jacket felt the need to mention Paul on more than one occasion when he gave a speech this past weekend in Tehran. Some of his anti-Paul points were:
He "...accused the octopus of spreading "western propaganda and superstition." It is unclear how an octopus does that. I am also unfamiliar with any sort of western propaganda involving octopuses. Octopi? Octopussies? You know what I mean.
He "...claims that the octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay among "his enemies". If "his enemies" include the German soccer team, then he may have a point. Granted, there is no evidence indicating that this is what the deal is. I get that. You get that. Dinner jacket does not get that.
He says that Paul "...is a symbol of all that is wrong with the western world." I don't know if it's a symbol of all that's wrong. Have you paid attention to the western world lately? There's an awful lot of things that are wrong. I highly doubt that they can all be symbolized by one octopus. Please. Even symbols have limits.
And finally, this nutjob said, "Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values." Hey, valuing an octopus that can predict the outcome of sports events where betting and subsequent winning can be involved sounds just like the sort of thing that I'd like to base myself in. Who said that just because we like a tricky octopus that we aspire to lead a nation? Why can't we just want to watch some soccer and eat some hot wings? OK, fine. I don't really want to watch soccer, but I do enjoy the hot wings. Can't we just do that? And have the octopus get his treat? Seems reasonable to me. Then again, I'm not some crazy dictator of one of the sand lands, so what do I know? Probably not much, but I'd like to think that I'd be able to talk about something other than the alleged evils of an octopus which may or may not be able to predict the outcome of soccer matches.
