Worst Bridal Idea Ever


There are plenty of moronic ideas out there that I have never understood and likely never will. The pet rock. Head-On. (Come on, isn't that just Chap-Stick?) Spray-on hair. Geometry. But there are some things out there that are so absolutely, completely inexplicable (totally without splick) that it makes me wonder about mankind and how much longer it can sustain itself. If this product is any indication, I'm guessing about another 24 hours. Tops.

According to something called Marie Claire, there is a rather disturbing accessory that a bride can opt for on her wedding day. I say "rather disturbing" in the most offensive way that I can without flipping out over this. Don't get me wrong; it's not like I'm suddenly going to become objective or anything. But I do realize that sometimes it's hard for people to look past "Holy crap, can you believe this s---?!" So I went with "rather disturbing". You tell me what adjectives you would have used if someone suggested to you that a bride, in order to avoid having to spend a ton of time taking off her wedding apparel in the event of having to use the restroom, should wear a diaper? Wait. Wuck?

Correct. According to the Marie Claire article, there is actually a bridal diaper product. The purpose of said bridal diaper is what I alluded to above. In order to not have to completely disrobe should nature call on your wedding day, someone thinks that the reasonable solution is to wear a diaper and just piss yourself on your wedding day instead. Sure. That makes perfect sense. I can see why this is a thing.

The article states "After a quick Google search I found out that it’s not a joke. Some bridal shops do in fact sell bridal diapers." Holy canoli, are you dry shaving me? Apparently, they are not. (But even if they were, I'd imagine that it would be more pleasant than wearing a diaper underneath a wedding gown on one's wedding day.)

Now, that article found its way over to the folks at The Frisky and they, too, did some research. It doesn't make this story any less icky, though. They found out that "...in general, most brides who do this use regular ol’ adult diapers, but then put, like, frilly or satin diaper covers over them, like panties." Yeah, OK. Um, still wrong! Covered in frills or satin, it's still wrong.

The Frisky folks found that "A Google image search revealed a photo of this bride’s bottom, which sure looks like it has some excess cotton padding going on." Behold!

Yeah, OK. Um, that's just weird. I'm also going to agree with the Frisky folks when they say that they wouldn't exactly call this a trend. I wouldn't either. It's definitely not a trend. And I'm also going to agree with their saying that if even ONE person is doing this, that is disturbing. What better way to spend your wedding day! Standing around in your own filth! Sounds lovely! And romantic, too!

Don't do this. Don't ever do this. Don't even think of doing this. Buy some Head-On (which I think that we all can tell is a complete rip-off!) before you consider wearing an adult diaper underneath your wedding dress! Do anything before you consider wearing an adult diaper underneath your wedding dress! And by "anything", I mean get yourself some therapy is this was on your list of considerations. The saying doesn't go "Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. And some poo." That's not how it goes at all.