Remedial Tattooing 101

Why do people get tattoos that suck? I don't mean that they're just weird or not my type or something like this:

Clearly, that man is getting ready for a crime spree like no other. That is, assuming that he hasn't just finished one. What the flock is that all about? Regardless, the point here is that even though I don't quite understand the meaning of it all, nor why someone would want to get that tattooed on their body (much less their head/facial region), it's not poorly done. Poorly thought out? Absolutely. Without question. But there is some effort that went into it. Can you say the same for this?:

I'm guessing you cannot. There are several issues with this tattoo, first and foremost being this chap's proclamation of his small unit. But it's just all wrong. The spacing between the "I" and the "HAVE" is almost non-existent. The font or the printing looks like my dog did it. What were you thinking, sir? (I'm guessing he was either really drunk or he lost a bet.) And who is that for, really? I don't want to know. Kind of like how I don't want to know what's going on with this tattoo. Behold!

Can you come up with any reason why there is a mohawk-ed creature with possibly only one arm, one leg and a misshapen manhood curled up underneath someone's man teat while flying saucers attack from the left? I'm only guessing about the flying saucers. I suppose they could be piles of poo. But the thing is that if it weren't so poorly drawn, there wouldn't be all of these questions. OK, fine. There'd be less questions. If your tattoo artist can't draw, what say you just forego any illustrations and just stick with text, like this bad boy did:

Hmm. I suppose I should have also added to make sure your tattoo artist is older than five and isn't using what appears to have been a sharpened Bic ballpoint. Was this picture taken before it was totally done, or is this it? I'm confused as to why the D in "bad" isn't finished yet. It looks like BAC BOYS FOR LIFE. What's a bac boy? Wait. Maybe that's how the subject of this next tattoo says "bad boy". Meet Asian Elvis!

I have no idea what went wrong there. Did the person want an Asian Elvis tattoo? I'm having a hard time imagining what would possess someone to want something like that on purpose. Granted, I am totally guessing that it's even supposed to BE Elvis. I have no idea. It could be anyone. Asian Elvis. Asian Nixon. Asian Bono. I have no idea. At least this guy didn't have a tattoo artist who couldn't draw or print. No, that was the case of this next unfortunate dimwit.

OK, I don't even know what that is, much less what in the heck it is supposed to mean.

You ate McdoNald2



What is that creature underneath there? Half rat, half reindeer? Two-legged sloth? It looks like alcohol was involved in more ways than one with that tattoo. It's really not making his bacne look any better. Just as the one below isn't doing much to detract from the guy's male pattern baldness.

I...I...I really don't know what to say. Was this man getting too much sex and so he had to take action to make sure that he never had any ever again? I can't imagine. Just as I can't imagine what possessed someone to get this on his ankle:

That is one sad snowman. "F**k no" is what that sign should read. Did someone pee on him? That's just wrong. And horribly done. As is this homage to the American porch sitter:

Yes, I realize that we can tell what it is, but that doesn't make it right. It looks like hell and the proportions are wrong. Not to mention that I'm sort of wondering why it only has three legs. But it's the same reason why I'm wondering why this next one only has one arm, not to mention what appears to be some sort of crown in what has to be the saddest kingdom ever.

That dragon thing looks stoned. Is he chewing gum? Where's his other arm? So many, so many questions.